A First in the Sea of Lasts
December 8th, 2024
Writer: Naiya Mainigi
Editor: Jackson Zuercher
This morning I took my senior portrait. On the top floor of Houston Hall, a Shutterfly worker handed me a cap and gown and directed me to sit on the black stool in the center of the room. The gown slipped awkwardly from my shoulders, failing to drape gracefully in the right position. The cap sat slanted on my head, even with a clip in the back to keep it upright.
I was handed a Penn pennant to hold high as the photographer told me “Smile big! You made it!” The irony of hearing this in September was not lost on me.
Senior year is a year of lasts. Last first day of school, Halloweekend, homecoming, sorority formal. It feels like a year of tying loose ends and completing the storylines of college life.
Most nights, my roommates and I sit on the couch of our house, desperate to cherish every last night of gossiping we can before we move to cities miles apart. Tonight’s topic: dates for our sorority formal the following week.
“I want to invite him,” my roommate said, “but is it too late to start something with a guy when we are seniors? What’s the point?”
I sat with that comment. What is the point? Are we really too caught up in our “lasts” that we are past the point of any college “firsts?” I climbed into bed feeling like I had already graduated, like I was drowning in a sea of lasts.
Starting a club senior year seems like a fool's errand, like my time for new beginnings in college had passed. However, after visiting my cousin at the University of Michigan, a spark lit within me at the opportunity to bring more positivity to Penn’s campus. After grappling with the feeling of impending endings, I brought up my feelings to my mom. Per usual, she knew the right thing to say.
“Do you know how much you can accomplish in 6 months?”
She, of course, was right. Why was I dwelling on something that was still half a year away? I began reflecting on the ‘firsts’ that were occurring around me. My first legal drink, leading campus events, open a Roth IRA. It slowly dawned on me that my perspective on senior year was all wrong.
If you ask anyone who knows me, they know I am really bad at dealing with change. I still cry every time I say bye to my hometown best friends, even though I’ve done it after every break for four years now. All the changes and “lasts” looming ahead this year are enough to paralyze me.
However, the start of Hopelessly Yellow at Penn has reminded me that it is never too late for a fresh start. Ask the person out, make a new friend, and plant a new flower in your garden. Start learning a new language or launch your foodie Instagram account. If I have learned anything recently, it’s that there’s always room for firsts among the lasts.
Cheers to new adventures,
Welcome to Hopelessly Yellow at Penn <3
